Key to Good Social Relations

by Shaykh Sa’dullah Khan

A cardinal principle in the equation of human relationships is that all members of every human community should learn …
a) to care deeply …

• about themselves
• about others

b) to act in ways that are supportive of the vital interests of  …

• themselves
• and of others

Wise ones have said that among the most important ingredients in the formula for a successful and fulfilling life is knowing how to get along with world. Part of the fruits of faith is the commitment of the faithful to do good while avoiding the wrong and the harmful. The very presence of the Believer should be a source of benefit, a resource for goodness whose every action reflects ihsaan/goodness [Q 16:90].

Care for the Global Human Family

It is in regard to our global human family that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Surely, Allah created creation to be of benefit to humanity.” Maulana Altaf Hussain Hali in his ‘Musaddas’ wrote: “It is for the love and care of one another that Allah has made human beings.” Mother Theresa said; “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for, and deserted by everybody. The greatest evil is the lack of love and charity, the terrible indifference toward one’s neighbor, who lives at the roadside, assaulted by exploitation, corruption, poverty, and disease.”

People of faith have the responsibility of being …

• a beneficial component of society
• an exemplary model for society
• a catalyst for goodness in the society.

The creation of Allah are all dependants of Allah; and the most loved of Allah’s creation are those most beneficial to His dependants. [Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)]

Goodness begins at Home

The responsibility of a human being to be the most beneficial and least problematic to society begins in the closest circle of the community, the building block of society – the family. From there it extends to relatives, neighbors, friends and the rest of society
We are commanded worship none but Allah, and to be good to parents, to near and dear ones, the orphans, the poor, the neighbors… [Qur’an 4:36]

The family unit is central to society because it is where social behavior is learnt and transmitted from one generation to another – it is the unit in which  personality, reputation, character and society are forged. Since the family is the primary group for interaction, it follows that a person’s identity and existence is strongly influenced by the family system and the accompanying family relationships. Peace and stability within the family and family relationships are the foundations of future well-being for individuals.

Good Relations

Healthy family relationships are therefore crucial for the development of any human being. The breaking of such relationship without justification is disapproved to the extent that the Prophet said that the one who breaks off close relationships will not enter Paradise. In fact, maintaining good relationship is an expression of faith,

Good relationships are based on people …

• respecting each other (not insulting or humiliating each other)
• being supportive and conciliatory (rather than confrontational)
• communicating honestly and openly (not lying and deceiving)
• willing to listen to more than their own side(not stubborn/close-minded)
• working as a team (not as adversaries)
• negotiating (rather than imposing)
• sharing responsibilities (rather than burdening)
• complementing (not opposing)
• appreciating (not criticizing and blaming)

The ultimate testing ground for developing relationships is found within the home. Usually, a family will mirror the same attitudes toward people outside the home as they do within.  As the Prophet (pbuh) informed us, “Certainly, the excellence of character and being gracious to one’s household is part of the completion of faith.”[Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)]